NEVERMIND
After recurring dreams of the deepest blue, I’ve spent about a month with Kurt Cobain’s Astrology, my Tarot Cards, and my Posca Paint Pens. You can watch the reading I made for him here:
There’s a page in his journals that reads like a bullet list of self observations. In the list, he writes “I am overly concience(sic) of the sincerity in my voice.” Me too, Kurt. The Aries Solar Eclipse we just encountered, with its urgent call to unearth the wounding that is buried deep within concepts of self determination, has left a thick film of grime that is clouding my optimism. Try as I might there’s no dodging this heavy feeling, it sits on my chest like a bloated Incubus.
So, I’ve journaled about it myself. It’s not especially magical, nor is there any resolution, and it’s maybe not the best way to spend my marketing word count, however you are welcome to read on if you’re feeling similarly pessimistic. The conflict between Mars and Saturn in Pisces is very real for me at this time, it's violent and oppressive, so I hope my writing doesn’t drag you into depths that you’d prefer not to swim in. Don’t worry though, this mermaid will eventually clean off the oil slick, I only wish to name the current moment with as much authenticity as I can.
Kurt Cobain used to call MTV EmptyTV when interviewed, his head down, his eyes ever avoiding the camera. He saw right through the network’s marketing pitch as just another ad campaign for big business, dressed up in the costume of counterculture. I reckon he would loathe how rapidly the infection of consumerism has spread though our current culture, contaminating nearly every form of human expression it touches.
Anyone who is self-employed these days now also works in servitude to that same corporate machine, whether they are conscious of it or not. We have become digital minions in service of a filtered reality, with immaculate makeup and great lighting, our handheld cameras facing inward as we do our best to sell our wares in 30 seconds or less; The key to success in 10 easy steps; 5 stages to enlightenment; 3 things you should know for an abundant life. Like/Subscribe.
Our artistic spirits have devolved into a scrolling rolodex of endless talking heads. Our creativity is now referred to as content, but the actual contents of our efforts is of dwindling significance. The corporation taunts us with the Algorithm Demon, an empty specter of their own invention, a synthetic ghost on which all of our hope for success, and fear of failure hinges. The Demon has one simple directive; Keep producing. Keep posting. Feed me.
Our rapidly declining attention spans leave little time to process complex thought either. We’ve not only become hawkers in a digital marketplace, shouting above one another desperately vying for the next sale, we are also expected to absorb the shock as we continually witness the extreme horror of human suffering, (an essential byproduct of greed) the evidence of these injustices served up to us blow by blow in a ceaseless news cycle, hungry only for views that reap AdSense.
Our distress has us feel obliged to poster every blank space with the rally cries of whichever side of the manufactured void we have tuned into. Those in positions of perceived privilege are challenged to speak on issues they have little concept of, lest their silence incite a character assassination in the comments section, while the true powers that be continue to divide and separate us behind the scenes, and in silence. I’ve seen those with loud public voices exercise little empathy for the folks who exist in their actual lives; it seems that human relationships are steadily diminishing in value. Public perception is the leading currency, and it’s expensive to live these days. The Algorithm Demon has made sure of that.
As perpetual subscribers, we own nothing. Spotify has just raised their prices, extra money that we know will never reach the artists creating the very work the company profits off. My telephone provider has just informed me that the cost of my service is about to increase, as the price of thin air has apparently gone up as well. Unless you are one of the fortunate few who will inherit, (discreetly of course, as that kind of privilege isn't currently en vogue) then the concept of space itself is only ever on loan. Every day I wait with baited breath to hear when the folks I love will inevitably have to move along, in search of the next black-mold-infested-dive they can barely afford, paid to professional landlords with money that is worth less and less by the day. And yet I sit here, hunched over my computer, rubbing my digital sticks together in an attempt to keep this synthetic flame alive. I cannot stop feeding the Demon.
I was speaking about the entrapment I feel with a beautiful friend of mine very recently. I told her about how my subservience to the Algorithm Demon has shaped my relationship with creativity for the worse, and she said, “You bring light to the face of the beast. I believe we have the option to stay or go but what will happen if we leave, all of us? What will be left?” I twitch, as the chain of my own making sits heavily around my neck. We could tap out, light a torch and burn it all to a cinder as we scream “Oh well. Whatever. Never mind.” But then, what happens next? I’m 40 now. I’ve worked hard my whole life, and yet the Demon lingers. Is creative impulse the Demon? Is being born into poverty the Demon? What is becoming clear is that this is my Demon now, and the Tarot teaches me that it is my responsibility to contend with it.
I am overly conscious of the sincerity in my voice. Like/Subscribe.
